Operating on 3 levels

Yesterday I came across an Interview with Simon Sinek on Mixergy.com. Mixergy is a great website for anyone who wants to learn more about how to do business and how to achieve success. Successful (and sometimes unsuccessful) entrepreneurs talk about their experiences, their successes and their failures. Andrew Warner is an excellent interviewer who really drills down to get an answer that is useful and that can help to get a better insight into successful entrepreneurship. For example, check out his interview with the very successful and inspirational Seth Godin. Please note that you do not necessarily have to register to watch the video; you can also just download the podcast.

But the particular interview I wanted to discuss here today is with Simon Sinek. What I liked about it, is that he perhaps came up with an answer on why I sometimes struggle with my business efforts. It was not completely new what he discussed, but Simon Sinek made it clear and practical.

What he says is that all organisations operate on 3 levels:

1. What you do
2. How you do it
3. Why you do it

Many of us are always thinking and focusing on the What and How and less about the Why. Even though the Why could really give you that sense of purpose and inspire others about your product or service.

Finding the why

Why do you have your business? What is it that you want to achieve? What is your purpose, cause, belief? Why does the business exist and why should anyone care?

If you can find the why behind your business  you will get

• A much better sense of why you are doing what you are doing, leading to higher motivation
• A more inspiring product or service: if you can show people why this product or service is so important they will be more inspired to use it
• A more motivated workforce who understands the why as well and is motivated by it

Out of balance

If you only concentrate on the what and how your business is out of balance. Examples of being out of balance are:

• You are forced to play the price game
• You are too obsessed about what competitors are doing
• You are too stressed and think about work-life balance issues all the time
• you have lost your passion or your sense of purpose is gone

Finding the clear why behind your business may give you back that drive and sense of balance.

What is an example of a business that knows its why?

Apple is a good example of a company that has a clear purpose. Instead of saying: “We make beautiful and great computers (the what), they are beautifully designed, simple to use and use-friendly (the how). Want to buy one?”

They say something like:

“everything we do, we believe; we believe in challenging the status quo, we believe in thinking differently (the why). The way we challenge the status quo is by making our products beautifully designed, simple to use and user-friendly. We just happen to make great computers. Want to buy one?”

Which do you think is more compelling and inspiring?

So how do you find your why?

Think back to when you started your company. In most cases you had a very clear why. Or think about your passions when you were younger and get back in touch with your why.

If you have a clear why you will not just chase market opportunities; you will find and solve problems. Market opportunities are usually just about making money and it will be difficult to motivate people to join your cause.

What then is my businesses’ why?

This got me thinking about why I am in business. So I have tried and created whys for my businesses:

Escala Web Strategy: The Internet is here to stay and will continue to develop so we feel that people and businesses should embrace it.  We are passionate about keeping up with the latest technology and developments to stay relevant. We do this through continuous research and the publication of our own and customer’s websites to be able to provide down to earth, innovative, but proven in practice, web strategy consultancy to enable businesses to reap maximum benefits from the internet and grow their business.

Singapore Beauty Guide: For many people after 40 feeling beautiful and healthy, internally and externally, becomes more challenging. Discussing how we feel and providing relevant information may make it easier to deal with all the challenges. We can provide a framework to discuss the topic of growing older and staying healthy and feeling beautiful. Our website provides information, a community, forum, and a professionals guide with reviews to help you with this process.

I’m not sure any of this makes any sense to you and I’m sure I can improve on the why for my business, but hey I made a start and this will do for now.

If you are interested in this topic and would like to listen to the interview then go to the following link.

I would also love to hear your feedback! Write down your comments below.

Turning feat into power

Many people will stay in their comfort zone and are not able to achieve their dreams because of Fear.

Last week I attended a local business women’s meeting, which hosted a talk on turning fear into power given by Karthik Siva.

So what do we fear?

According to Karthik, it is the fear of not being able to deal with something. “I cannot deal with it” seems to be recurring thought in your head. So what is that you cannnot deal with? It could be feelings of failure, rejection, embarrassment and stress.

So what makes some people conquer those fears while others cannot?

What makes some people successful? In contrary to what you may believe these people have fear too. All of us have. But they have a different way of holding this fear.

For those that let fear hold them back, you may see this pattern:

Pain –> helplessness –> depression –> paralysis

However, there is another way you that you can process fear:

Power –> choice –> excitement –> action

So how do you achieve this?

The first step towards turning fear into power (which by the way means power over yourself) is to have the ability to:

1. Take positive action. Just sitting at home and be comfortable is not going to get you anywhere.
2. Accept responsibility, and don’t adopt a poor me mentallity. At any time you are responsible for the way your life is going.
3. Change your programming. When we were growing up we were all “programmed” in some kind of way. I’m sure you’ve heard of the saying ‘Give me a child of 7 and I show you the man”. What we have learned as youngsters usually stays with us our whole life and gives us our vision and understanding of how the world works. But in many cases this view may be wrong or not match reality. Now, your programming is one of the most difficult things to change but all beliefs start with your thoughts. So if you can be aware of your thoughts and control them in a positive way,  you have more control over your feelings and so on
   –> Thoughts –> Feelings –> Actions –> Results
4. Practise incantations: For example, tell yourself  “I am powerful and I love it!” and mean it! (every time change emphasis on each word)
5. Focus on the goal (not on the obstacle)

Start with setting your own clear goal

As always every accomplishment starts with a clear goal. So what do u want to achieve?  Don’t let stand fear in the way!

Are you anxious at times? I am. Let’s face it, there’s plenty of anxiety to go around: lay-offs, relationship crises, pandemics, violence – and that’s just for starters.

Actually, anxiety is a natural alarm system that keeps us safe and productive. But it can become a chronic mindset. When that happens, it can deaden joy and stifle creativity.

How to tackle anxiety
In my life it’s not so much the big-ticket items like the current influenza or the economic meltdown that make me anxious, it’s the fact that I tend to over-commit myself. The result is that I’m always a bit behind schedule. Anyone else feel like that?

For the original article visit: http://zenhabits.net/2009/09/survive-and-thrive-how-to-transform-anxiety-into-inspiration/#comment-83325

Photo by ToniVC

This is a lovely article from the Guardian that I wanted to share with you.

Key to happiness? Be kind, exercise

Follow the seven steps to be clearer of mind and less burdened of body, writes Hannah Booth. Happiness is proving elusive for many and depression rates are growing in the West, prompting psychology researchers to try to pinpoint exactly what makes us happy. Here are some of their findings.

1. Be positive, says Barbara Fredrickson, University of North Carolina ”Positivity makes you more attractive and resilient, with lower blood pressure, less pain, fewer colds, better sleep. Increase the number of positive emotions in your day, however fleeting. One can lead to another and so on, until we’re in an upward spiral of positivity. Take a moment to find the good in a situation. Don’t over-generalise (‘I can never hold down a relationship’), jump to conclusions (‘I’ll never finish this job’) or ruminate endlessly. Any healthy distraction – a run, a swim – that lifts your mood is good.”
2. Be brave, says Daniel Gilbert, Harvard University ”Studies show people regret not having done things much more than they regret things they did. Why? We can rationalise an excess of courage more easily than an excess of cowardice, because we can console ourselves by thinking of the things we learned from the experience. We hedge our bets when we should blunder forward. In fact, large-scale assaults on our happiness – a lost job or failed marriage – trigger our psychological defences (and hence promote our happiness) more than smaller annoyances. The paradoxical consequence is that it is sometimes easier to achieve a positive view of a very bad experience than a bad one. And yet we rarely choose action over inaction. Knowing we overestimate the impact of almost every life event makes me a bit braver and more relaxed because I know what I’m worrying about probably won’t matter as much as I think it will.”
3. Meditate, says Massachusetts psychologist and author Daniel Goleman ”Meditation helps us better manage our reactions to stress and recover more quickly from disturbing events. This is key to happiness. One study took people in high-stress jobs and taught them meditation for eight weeks: they felt happier after and even remembered why they liked their work. Before, they were too stressed to see it. Beginners can benefit from meditation but it takes practice to see real benefits. I recently spent an evening with Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche, the Tibetan lama dubbed ‘the happiest man in the world’. How did he get that way? Practice. Observing his behaviour, I noticed he recovered quickly from upsets and this is one way science measures a happy temperament. If you start to get upset, let go of the negative thought, deal with the problem – and then let go of that.”
4. Be kind to yourself, says Paul Gilbert, University of Derby, UK ”The way we relate to ourselves – kindly or critically – has a major influence on our wellbeing, contentment and ability to cope with setbacks. If you’re feeling self-critical, stop, take a few breaths, slow down and try to think of the ideal qualities you might have, such as kindness, warmth, gentleness. It doesn’t matter whether or not you actually have these qualities – like an actor taking on a part, feel yourself become them. In a journal, make a note of what happens to your self-criticism when you do this. Then turn your attention to what you’re about to do.”
5. Put your pessimism to work, says Julie Norem, Wellesley College, Massachusetts ”Defensive pessimists expect the worst and expend lots of energy mentally rehearsing how things might go wrong. But by doing this, they can improve the odds of achieving their goals. It’s a useful skill for everyone to learn. Imagine what might go wrong in a situation by focusing on specifics. If you’re terrified of public speaking, try to articulate whether you’re afraid of fumbling with your notes or tripping on your way to the podium. Then imagine what happens next: if you drop your notes, will someone laugh? By doing this you shift the attention from feelings to facts, so you can plan effectively to avoid (or at least deal with) negative outcomes.’
6. Find a calling, says Jonathan Haidt, University of Virginia ”Work less, earn less, accumulate less and ‘consume’ more family time, holidays and other enjoyable activities. Pursue goals but remember, it’s the journey, not the end result, that counts. If your work is not a calling, can you reframe it to see it as more than just a pay cheque? If not, try to find a noble purpose outside work – religion, teaching, political campaigning. Find activities that fully engage your attention and you’re good at: singing in a choir, painting, driving fast on a curvy country road. Happiness is not a shallow state of feeling chipper all the time, or something you can achieve directly. We need love, work and a connection to something larger. Get these conditions right, then wait.”
7. Act happy, says Sonja Lyubomirsky, University of California ”My research compares happy and unhappy people, and underpinning this is the 40 per cent solution: the degree of happiness it is within our power to change, through how we act and think. I’ve identified 12 happiness-enhancing activities – things happy people do naturally. They may sound corny but they’re scientifically proven. You don’t have to do them all – decide which fit you best. One, express gratitude. Two, cultivate optimism: visualise a future in which everything has turned out the way you want it, then write it down. Three, avoid obsessing over things or paying too much attention to what others are doing. Four, practise acts of kindness – more than you’re used to. Five, make time for friends; be supportive and loyal. Six, develop coping strategies: write down your feelings when you’re feeling upset and try to see that traumatic events often make us stronger. Seven, learn to forgive. Eight, immerse yourself in activities and be open to new ones. Nine, savour life’s joys – linger over a pastry rather than mindlessly consuming it. Ten, work towards meaningful goals. Eleven, practise religion and spirituality. And finally, exercise. You won’t see the results from these activities right away: like anything important, you have to work at it.”

Guardian News & Media

Photo by vic214

This website is all about finding balance in your life. Sometimes we can get so occupied with work and family that we forget about our passions in life. One of my passions has always been dance. I have never actually achieved much in that area but have always enjoyed doing it. 

Argentine tango

One of my favourite dances is the argentine tango. I can’t really describe what I like about it. The very special music is definitely one part of it. The music is full of drama and temperament and the many changes in speed can make it really interesting (and sometimes difficult) to dance to.

Another part is the dance itself. Also full of temparement of course but it contains a lot of style and subtle movements. The intriguing leg kicks and twirls can make it really interesting to dance and to watch a good couple dance the tango. It’s great to see a good life tango performance.

Argentine tango video

Below is a video of a show tango performance from Strictly Come Dancing. This tango will have more show elements (like lifts) than a normal tango but you will still get a sense of some of the steps and the tango music. Enjoy!

Another thing I like about tango is that age doesn’t really play much of a role in this dance. Anybody can dance it no matter how old you are. You can dance a tango as quick or as slow as you like (as you can choose to dance to a single or double beat) and the quality of the dance mainly relies on how the man (who leads) feels the music.

Argentine tango in Singapore

I had not been dancing tango for a while as my partner does not have the same passion for dancing as I do. But as I realised that I was working too much and did not have enough enjoyment to compensate (and therefore no balance) I was delighted to find a argentine tango dance school right here in Singapore. They have a cozy dance hall close to Great World City and have Milongas (Argentine dance evenings) every Friday and Saturday night.

Why not discover your hidden talent and come for some fantastic argentine tango. To find out more about tango in Singapore visit the Abrazos website.

Some other inspiring videos

• a very arty video featuring argentinian tango star Pablo Veron that takes tango into the current times.

A selection of books and videos of argentine tango

Cathie Black

Cathie Black is the president of Hearst Corporation, publisher of such magazines as O (Ophra Whinfrey magazine), Cosmopolitan and Harper’s Bazar. She enjoys a huge salary and a very prestigious career. She has also been named as 1 one the 50 most powerful women by Forbes. In addition to that she has managed to have a long term relationship with her husband and has raised 2 children. 

I liked the way this book was written. It starts of with a chapter that summarizes her whole career with funny and meaningful anecdotes. This sets up the book perfectly as throughout her book Cathie will refer back to certain times in her career and because we get the whole overview right from the start we always undertstand where the comments fit in.

The book is structured on topics rather than any chronological story of her life (or career for that matter).At the start of the book we do learn however that Cathie started her career in advertising sales. First as an assistant, later advertising manager, then publisher and on to the position she currently holds at Hearst. This book is basically about what it takes to get a career like hers. It is is the book, as she says, she would have wanted to read when she was just starting her career.

Keys to succes

Her first chapter is on drive. In Cathie’s opinion this is one of the key factors of success. This is followed by a chapter on taking calculated risks.

“The worst case scenario is rarely as bad as you think”. 

She then speaks about the importance of making a good first impression. Points raised are the way you dress, carry  and express yourself and if you are looking people in the eye.

Managing people

Chapter 3 is a about managing people. You get a sense in this book that Cathie had to learn a thing or two about this topic. In one of her first managerial jobs she actually got into a situatation where her staff was so infuriated with her, that they threatened to walk out of their jobs en masse. It testifies of her strength of character that she was able to solve that situation. Cathie herself admits that she is still learning to this day how to best manage people but she shares of lots of insight in the dos and don’ts of management.

Managing fear

Another chapter is on fear. Fear of believing you may not be able to do something, fear of criticism. I particularly like two questions that Cathie asks herself when someone criticizes her: “Could I trust that this person is acting in good faith and not some some ulterior motive just to bring me down” and “Did he have some knowledge of this particular situation that I didn’t”. When you say yes to both questions, it pays to listen to the criticism  and learn from it, otherwise discard it.

She then goes on to give some advice on how to land your dream job. This is quite basic stuff: how to write your cover letter, resume, how to prepare for your interview, doing the interview and how to follow up. 

After a chapter on power she also does not avoid talking about one of her few failures: the collapse of talk magazine. One of the key lessons of that is that it is essential to establish key bench marks for success ahead of time and keep a decent amount of control if you invest a lot of money in a project. 

Finding your passion and leading the 160 C lifestyle

She also stresses the point of finding your passion something I addressed in an earlier article: how to discover a job you love  and writes on how to  achieve the right work / life balance, something she calls the 160 C lifestyle.  One of the most important advise here is:

“Have your all not anyone else’s”

This means that you will need to determine the right balance for you. Don’t listen to others or do what others think you should do, but really try to find out what’s right for you. 

Topics like attitude and leadership are then discussed in later chapters. 

Conclusion

All in all this book was very easy and entertaining to read. There are lots of stories of ineresting conflicts or situations. Lots of them involving people you know like Oprah Winfrey and Rupert Murdoch. If you want to have a good book on how to get ahead in your career both as an employee or an entrepreneur then I can fully recommend Basic Black by Cathie Black.

Phuket was of course one of the many disaster zones of the tsunami in 2004, but it is great to see that the island has bounced back and is thriving again. I actually visited one of the worst hit areas which was Nai Yang Beach. The resort that I went to, the Indigo Pearl Hotel Phuket, was brand new and to be honest it was one of the nicest hotels I have ever been to. As we only went for a few days we thought we would spoil ourselves and go to a nice hotel with a kids club, nice pools, next to a beach and beautiful grounds.

Selecting hotels by the way is not one of my favorite activities. It always seems to take too much time and even after all that work you are never quite sure if you made the right decision. I now often use tripadvisor.com for travel reviews and advice and then either book my hotel through hotelclub.com or go to ratestogo.com or wotif.com for last minute bookings.

As mentioned this time I was very pleased with my choice. I have never been in a hotel room that I just wanted to wrap up and take with me. But here the interior architecture was just superb and a lot of attention had been paid to detail. The whole design was inspired by a tin mine and all the products in the room, the textured walls, colours, the decor and details reflected that. I booked the Pearl Bed room and we had a huge balcony with an outside batch and a large daybed with a view over the gardens and the infinity pool. This was perfect for lazying around in the evenings and reading books.

The beach was perhaps not the greatest but for us it was perfect. A cosy little bay with quiet water, nice deck chairs with parasols and residing water in the afternoon so that my son could play soccer on the beach. The water was so warm you could swim there all day and in the evening we enjoying watching the beautiful sunset.

On our second day we decided to discover the island and hired a taxi with driver (about US70 for a day). We had a look at busy Patong Beach which is the place to go if you want to party a lot. This town is full of tourists, restaurants and pubs. I wasn’t too keen on the atmosphere or the beach there so wouldn’t stay there myself.  A few minutes drive away from Patong, we found a lovely minigolf (my son just LOVES minigolf) which was beautifully made and had a dinossaur theme. They also had a lovely cafe where we had lunch.

Our next stop was Kata Beach. This was actually a lovely town with a wonderful beach. Beautiful sand and blue water and lots of waves which are great for boogie surfing. This may be a better place to go if you have older children that want a bit more wave action.

We then proceeded to follow to the south and had a quick visit to Phuket Town.

The next day we went out by bus and boat to see some of the nearby islands like Ko Phi Phi Le island  (Ao Maya beach which is where the movie “The Beach” was filmed) and Khai Island.  Here you will see some of the most amazing scenery and beautiful fish. We snorkelled and could spend a few hours on a lovely spot where we could do some more snorkeling and sun bathing.

We  spent our last day relaxing on our “own” Nai Yang Beach and enjoyed the wonderful scenery of beuatiful Phuket and our lovely hotel. All in all I can say that Phuket is definitly worth a visit. The nature is astonishing, the climate fantastic, the people very friendly and if you enjoy an architecturally designed hotel inspired by a tin mine then definitely try out the Indigo Pearl in Phuket.

photo by ?ukasz Strachanowski

Who wouldn’t like more energy? Or are you one of the lucky ones that has tons of it? If so then please share your secrets below! For those of us that need a few more tips on how we can increase our energy levels read on.

Although I like to exercize, I am not someone who gets more energy from it. Instead it makes me tired. Of course it also destresses me, keeps me fit so it has a  lot of benefits but I’m always looking for ways to increase my energy levels. One book I came to consult is a book by Sandra Cabot which is called Boost your Energy. Here is what I have learned from this book and how it has helped me.

How is energy produced?

The mitochondria in our body turn food into cellular energy (which is a chemical called Adenosine Triphosphate (ATP) through a process called the Krebs cycle. The more ATP you can produce the more energy you will have. Various nutritional co-factors are required in the krebs cycle such as lipoic acid, B vitamins, L-carnitine, magnesium and others.  These co-factors can be obtained through diet or supplements. The Krebs cycle accounts for about 75% of our energy.

Another way for the cell to produce energy is acaerobic metabolism, which means that the cell converts sugar into lactose. This is a less effective way of producing energy.

If the mitochondria are not working properly the cell may be forced to rely too much on anaerobic metabolism and a build up of acidic waste products may occur which can lead to fatigue or sugar cravings. Therefore, it is essential to keep the mitochondria working properly.

How can we make sure that mitochondria are kept happy to do their important work?

The right diet

What you eat is more important than how much you eat. Make sure you listen to your body as we are all different. The key is not to overload the liver with too many saturated or processed fats, pesticides or artificial chemicals.

What can help:

• A good liver toxic powder (should contain herbs like dandelion, st mary’s thistle, globe artichoke and the animo acid turine)
• high energy foods: raw fresh fruit and vegetables, cooked vegetables, raw nuts and seeds, spirulina, seafood, eggs (never fried) unprocessed grains, dried fruit, legumes, chicken, lean fresh meat
• Essential fatty acids: found in fish, fish oild, avocados, butternuts, corn oil, legumes, seed oils, raw nuts, raw seeds, olives, cold pressed oive oil, evening primrose oil and seaweed
• LSA: this a a powder that you can easily make and sprinkle over your breakfast or other meal. It’s a mixture of linseeds, Funflower seeds and almonds. (it can be found on page 72 of the book).
• Iron deficiency is one of the most common causes of chronic fatigue and can be helped with supplements of organic iron and spirulina.

Supplements

The right supplements can help give your energy a boost. Here are some of the supplements recommended in the book.

1. Vitamin C
2. Vitamin E
3. Essential fatty acids
4. Magnesium
5. Selenium
6. Beta Carotene
7. Calcium
8. Vitamin B complex
9. L-carnitine
10. Ginseng

Nurture your inner self

Mental and emotional stress can exert a chronic drain upon our energy and well-being. One of the greatest energy drainer are our own negative thoughts. Try to find ways to banish and reject these negative thoughs and memories from your mind. One way to do this is to connect with your own breath. I also find yoga very helpful to connect with my breath and positive inner self. Try to do a daily yoga class which is free on yogatoday.com.   

Prevent damage

The fatty membranes of the mitochondria can be damaged by virusses, toxins and free radicals or incorrect diet. Ways to prevent this is to have sufficient anti-oxidants (vitamins A, C, E, and selenium) and essential fatty acids)

Things to avoid:

• pesticides
• cigarette smoke
• artificial sweeteners
• unhealthy fats

Exericize

Although I sometimes feel that exericizes make me feel more tired, it is the art of doing it regularly that makes a real difference. Exercize will make you fitter and stronger and eventually will give you more energy. Try yoga or try to get your 10,000 steps a day.

Hormones

Inbalance in the production of hormones can lead to sluggish metabolism and fluctuating energy levels. You can do a blood test to see if your hormones are within the normal levels. Some of the things that will be tested are your t4 and t3 levels which indicates the activity of the thyroid. A bloodtest pointed out that my thyroid leaned towards being underactive which can lead to feeling excessively cold, fluid retention and fatigue. In the early stages of underactivity of the thyroid gland nutritional supplements like selenium, vitamin E, C, kelp and essential fatty acids can help to stimulate the thyroid.  

Other things that you can get tested for are DHEA, cortisol, progesterone, testosterone and oestrogen levels. Progesterone levels (the “happy hormone” as it makes women feel contented and relaxed) can be stimulated by plenty of vitamin E and essential fatty acids, vegetables and fruit, legumes, and raw nuts.

Conclusion

I have found this book quite helpful in understanding all the factors that can contibute to boost your energy. It explains all the various hormones that play a part, gives a list of nutrients to target and provides several recipes. Of course you will need to consult your doctor to devise a plan that is right for you.

Sandra Cabot has written many books on this topic so if you would like to read one of them, then please select from the list below. If you have your own boost your energy success story then please share it with us below!

photo by Pingu

Today I went to an interesting lecture by June Webb of Focus on Individual Learning Pte Ltd about what to do when your child is having difficulties at school. Too often they will be labeled with disorders like dyslexia, Attention Deficit Disorder ADD), or  Attention Deficit  Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and are prescribed medication. However,  according to June there may be other reasons for your child’s under performance which could be better helped by appropriate exercise and attention.

Possible reasons for difficulties

There may be physical issues in the following areas:

• Retained Primitive Reflexes
• Auditory processing
• Visual Processing

Retained Primitive Reflexes

This refers to the primitive reflexes we all learn as children, like crawling. Nobody teaches us how to do it, we simply do. Some of these reflexes are later discarded since we no longer need them. One example of this is the fist reflex or holding reflex (officially called the Palmar reflex). This was very important for our ancestors (apes) who had to have a good grip on the tree branches they moved around in. Nowadays we no longer need these skills and most people will lose this really firm grip.

You can do a small test. Make a fist and have a look at it. Where is your thumb? Is it inside or outside your fist? Most people  will have it outside the fist which is more productive for us. Those children that have retained that strong hold and still have their thumb inside the fist (like most babies will), have retained some of their primitive reflexes. Some of these children may find it hard to hold a pen. This in turn can lead to problems in writing which might delay them in their development. Below are some more examples of what may happen if a primitive reflex is retained.

Auditory Processing

Sometimes it can appear as though a child is not hearing properly. But when you take him / her to the doctor, their hearing appears to be just fine. However, standard tests do not test for HOW a person is hearing. His hearing may be unbalanced or they may hear in different frequencies. This may result in the child closing off in class or show ADD behaviour (he will appear to be dreaming or is drowsy). For another child it may result in ADHD (overactivity as he is constantly stimulated or disturbed by noise).

Visual processing

What we have discussed for auditory processing may also be the case for visual processing. There seem to be some issues with seeing but when tested the child has perfect 20 / 20 vision. Again, you will need to look at HOW the child is seeing. It needs to be determined whether the eyes are working as a team. Do they have a proper midline? Some children are bothered if there is no proper light in the room which can cause them to lack focus or can result in exhaustion.

For children that suffer from any of the above mentioned imbalances, reading and / or listening may be harder and there may be concentration problems.

So what can done?

There are things that you can do to assist with these extra challenges. If you have an issue with retained reflexes, vision or hearing, it can make life more challenging. I like the way June described this. “they carry some extra stones in their wheelbarrow. What you can do with therapy is make that load lighter, you get rid of some of the stones”.

Retained Primitive Reflexes

There are several exercises that you can do to improve or discard some of these retained primitive reflexes. One of the programs offered at Focus on Individual Learning is an INPP Movement programme to inhibit primitive reflexes and promote postural reflexes. It comprises a series of specific physical exercises based on the natural movements a child develops in their early years. The exercises help correct any delays in earlier development and retrrain formative reflexes that support progress.

Auditory Processing

If a child does not follow up an instruction in class it may not necessarily be that he is disobedient. Rather, he may not have registered the instruction and only heard half the message. If you are aware of this happening to a particular child you can repeat the message for him or check in with him to make sure that he understood the instruction. As a therapy, a Digital Auditory Aerobics program is offered to promote balanced reception of the sound frequencies involved in language.

Visual Processing

There are special vision therapists that work with the muscles around the eyes. They can teach a child to use these muscles in a better or correct way to get a more balanced vision.

So before prescribing your child drugs or accept that they have a ‘disorder’, go for a consultation to see if any of the above applies to your child. If you would like more information about the services of June and her team here in Singapore, then you can visit her website for more information. Share you own experiences below.

Children will be shaped by their global experience. Some general characteristics of third culture kids are:

• They feel different
• They will often be able to communicate or befriend children that are in the same situation as themselves
• They tend to be very empathetic and have a tolerance for diversity
• They understand that there is always another side to the story
• They have a world view
• They engage in life-long learning
• They have a greater cross-cultural understanding and tolerance
• They are typically adaptable
• They are sensitive
• They are skilled at listening
• They are open to change
• They tend to engage in careers associated with service to community or the world

However, third culture kids tend to:

• Have multiple losses and grief
• Have delayed issues of adolescence and rebellion
• Feel rootless and don’t feel they belong anywhere
• Struggle over the question of what is home

Home is an emotional location and it can’t be found on a map.

Robin Pascoe

Digital Age

Although the new digital age has made it easier for children to stay in touch with their lost friends it also comes with some challanges:

• Children stay in touch too much with old friends through email instead of making new friends in their new location
• The mobile phone is often used in situations where children should solve their own issues: “mum Harry is kicking me”

Important things to consider when parenting third culture and other kids:

• As parents it is important that we allow our children to solve their own problems. It will do them no service in life if we always sort everything out for them. Don’t transfer your own fears onto your children and beware of the pre-traumatic stress syndrome, which means that you are always worrying about what ‘might’ happen.
• Parenting is a challenge and there is no clear right or wrong way. Children will need to know that it is ok to fail before they will succeed. You learn from every mistake you make and get smarter from it.
• As parents moving these children we need to realise that children have not been trained for it. They also often do not have a choice in the matter and they will experience the same losses as adults, like school friends, pets, family etc. Parents need to realise that even though they may have a privileged life they will also need to be allowed to have their challenges.
• After a relocation children need their parents more, so it is important that at least one of the parents is there for them.
• Monitor the use of tv and computer
• Communicate a lot
• Be honest
• Nourish your marriage as any tension there will impact your kids
• Teach children life skills

“A tree with strong roots can withstand the most violent storm. But a tree cannot grow roots just as the storm appears on the horizon“.

Dalai Lama, The art of happiness

Further resources

Recommended books:

Third Culture kids by David C. Pollock and Ruth E. van Reken

Raising global nomads, by Robin Pascoe

Culture shock a parent’s guide by Robin Pascoe

Recommended website:

• http://www.expatexpert.com (Robin Pascoe’s website)
• expatwomen.com
• aportableidentity.com

Do you have any tips on how to raise children abroad then share your insights below.