photo by Pingu

Today I went to an interesting lecture by June Webb of Focus on Individual Learning Pte Ltd about what to do when your child is having difficulties at school. Too often they will be labeled with disorders like dyslexia, Attention Deficit Disorder ADD), or  Attention Deficit  Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and are prescribed medication. However,  according to June there may be other reasons for your child’s under performance which could be better helped by appropriate exercise and attention.

Possible reasons for difficulties

There may be physical issues in the following areas:

• Retained Primitive Reflexes
• Auditory processing
• Visual Processing

Retained Primitive Reflexes

This refers to the primitive reflexes we all learn as children, like crawling. Nobody teaches us how to do it, we simply do. Some of these reflexes are later discarded since we no longer need them. One example of this is the fist reflex or holding reflex (officially called the Palmar reflex). This was very important for our ancestors (apes) who had to have a good grip on the tree branches they moved around in. Nowadays we no longer need these skills and most people will lose this really firm grip.

You can do a small test. Make a fist and have a look at it. Where is your thumb? Is it inside or outside your fist? Most people  will have it outside the fist which is more productive for us. Those children that have retained that strong hold and still have their thumb inside the fist (like most babies will), have retained some of their primitive reflexes. Some of these children may find it hard to hold a pen. This in turn can lead to problems in writing which might delay them in their development. Below are some more examples of what may happen if a primitive reflex is retained.

Auditory Processing

Sometimes it can appear as though a child is not hearing properly. But when you take him / her to the doctor, their hearing appears to be just fine. However, standard tests do not test for HOW a person is hearing. His hearing may be unbalanced or they may hear in different frequencies. This may result in the child closing off in class or show ADD behaviour (he will appear to be dreaming or is drowsy). For another child it may result in ADHD (overactivity as he is constantly stimulated or disturbed by noise).

Visual processing

What we have discussed for auditory processing may also be the case for visual processing. There seem to be some issues with seeing but when tested the child has perfect 20 / 20 vision. Again, you will need to look at HOW the child is seeing. It needs to be determined whether the eyes are working as a team. Do they have a proper midline? Some children are bothered if there is no proper light in the room which can cause them to lack focus or can result in exhaustion.

For children that suffer from any of the above mentioned imbalances, reading and / or listening may be harder and there may be concentration problems.

So what can done?

There are things that you can do to assist with these extra challenges. If you have an issue with retained reflexes, vision or hearing, it can make life more challenging. I like the way June described this. “they carry some extra stones in their wheelbarrow. What you can do with therapy is make that load lighter, you get rid of some of the stones”.

Retained Primitive Reflexes

There are several exercises that you can do to improve or discard some of these retained primitive reflexes. One of the programs offered at Focus on Individual Learning is an INPP Movement programme to inhibit primitive reflexes and promote postural reflexes. It comprises a series of specific physical exercises based on the natural movements a child develops in their early years. The exercises help correct any delays in earlier development and retrrain formative reflexes that support progress.

Auditory Processing

If a child does not follow up an instruction in class it may not necessarily be that he is disobedient. Rather, he may not have registered the instruction and only heard half the message. If you are aware of this happening to a particular child you can repeat the message for him or check in with him to make sure that he understood the instruction. As a therapy, a Digital Auditory Aerobics program is offered to promote balanced reception of the sound frequencies involved in language.

Visual Processing

There are special vision therapists that work with the muscles around the eyes. They can teach a child to use these muscles in a better or correct way to get a more balanced vision.

So before prescribing your child drugs or accept that they have a ‘disorder’, go for a consultation to see if any of the above applies to your child. If you would like more information about the services of June and her team here in Singapore, then you can visit her website for more information. Share you own experiences below.

Children will be shaped by their global experience. Some general characteristics of third culture kids are:

• They feel different
• They will often be able to communicate or befriend children that are in the same situation as themselves
• They tend to be very empathetic and have a tolerance for diversity
• They understand that there is always another side to the story
• They have a world view
• They engage in life-long learning
• They have a greater cross-cultural understanding and tolerance
• They are typically adaptable
• They are sensitive
• They are skilled at listening
• They are open to change
• They tend to engage in careers associated with service to community or the world

However, third culture kids tend to:

• Have multiple losses and grief
• Have delayed issues of adolescence and rebellion
• Feel rootless and don’t feel they belong anywhere
• Struggle over the question of what is home

Home is an emotional location and it can’t be found on a map.

Robin Pascoe

Digital Age

Although the new digital age has made it easier for children to stay in touch with their lost friends it also comes with some challanges:

• Children stay in touch too much with old friends through email instead of making new friends in their new location
• The mobile phone is often used in situations where children should solve their own issues: “mum Harry is kicking me”

Important things to consider when parenting third culture and other kids:

• As parents it is important that we allow our children to solve their own problems. It will do them no service in life if we always sort everything out for them. Don’t transfer your own fears onto your children and beware of the pre-traumatic stress syndrome, which means that you are always worrying about what ‘might’ happen.
• Parenting is a challenge and there is no clear right or wrong way. Children will need to know that it is ok to fail before they will succeed. You learn from every mistake you make and get smarter from it.
• As parents moving these children we need to realise that children have not been trained for it. They also often do not have a choice in the matter and they will experience the same losses as adults, like school friends, pets, family etc. Parents need to realise that even though they may have a privileged life they will also need to be allowed to have their challenges.
• After a relocation children need their parents more, so it is important that at least one of the parents is there for them.
• Monitor the use of tv and computer
• Communicate a lot
• Be honest
• Nourish your marriage as any tension there will impact your kids
• Teach children life skills

“A tree with strong roots can withstand the most violent storm. But a tree cannot grow roots just as the storm appears on the horizon“.

Dalai Lama, The art of happiness

Further resources

Recommended books:

Third Culture kids by David C. Pollock and Ruth E. van Reken

Raising global nomads, by Robin Pascoe

Culture shock a parent’s guide by Robin Pascoe

Recommended website:

• http://www.expatexpert.com (Robin Pascoe’s website)
• expatwomen.com
• aportableidentity.com

Do you have any tips on how to raise children abroad then share your insights below.